Tuesday/Wednesday

On Tuesday Ethan had a few episodes where he would drop his heart rate. He does this when we gets into a deep sleep and then we have to rush to the bed and rub his back and his head vigorously to remind him that he needs to breath. Ugh, I hated this part when he was on the cpap way back in the beginning. He only had a few during the day but had more at the end of the night before I went home. He was doing good for awhile so I held him at 9pm but then he dropped his heart rate while I was holding him so we put him back in his little box (incubator.)

There is another couple here that their baby may have to go to Seattle for a belly surgery. They had a few questions about it so of course I was happy to chat with them for awhile. There was so much that we didn't know that would have been helpful before going. I think it helped ease their mind a little. I also found out that another baby may have to go for heart surgery just like Ethan. I told them to feel free to ask me anything if they do go. I just remember being so upset and scared before we went that if I can make it less scary for anyone of course I am willing to help.

Wednesday morning I called to see how he had done throughout the night and the nurse informed me that he wasn't doing the best. He had a few episodes where he dropped his heart rate and she didn't know what the doctor was going to suggest for him now. Once I got to the hospital the nurse told me they put him on the nasal canula. The nasal canula is a step forward and it just has a small tube up his nose. He looked so much better. He looked comfortable. I also have been looking forward to the nasal canula because I know that they can finally give him a bath when he is on it. But he had a few more episodes on that. So they decided to put him on the sipap which is a step backwards... it's inbetween the cpap and the ventilator. Unfortunately that didn't last long either. They had to put him back on the ventilator. He had quite a few episodes while I was there which caused him to go back on the ventilator eventually. It was really tough for me to watch. I feel so bad for our little guy. I hate the ventilator. I know that we need to give him what he needs and right now that is it but it makes me think of life support. I know technically that is what he is on but with all the debates with adults and how they put on paper weather or not they want to be on life support makes me think. If Ethan had a voice would he want to be on life support? Are we doing something against his will? But then the mama comes out in me and says "too bad little guy, we want you here more than anything and once you get to go home with us you will want to be here too." I had this talk with Mark the other night and he told me that if it was me in the hospital he would keep me on life support as long as he could! Hmm.... about that paper work.....