Thursday... day 34

Last night when I left the hospital I was a mess. My thought was "ugh today was a rough day I need to get out of here." Then I thought, well it was a really rough day for our little man but he couldn't say that, he can't just say well it has been a rough day I'm out of here! Oh how I feel so bad for our little guy. I also finished up on some blog posts that I had been working on but needed to add a few things and of course have Mark read them before I posted them. So it got me thinking that I need to continue this blog as daily as I can because it does help me. It helps me get out my thoughts and it helps keep people posted so that when we do talk to them we can talk about what is going on vs catching them up on what has been going on.

Then this morning I got to the hospital really early only to find that someone had made a comment on my blog... only not a very nice one. I deleted it because I didn't know how I was going to react to it. Mark told me I should have left it so that people can see it. Well anytime someone comments it goes to my email as well. The comment was left from an anonymous person stating this: Stop being greedy. People will comment if they want to. If you were writing this blog just for yourself you wouldn't be posting it on the internet. Well Mrs. Anonymous please stop reading my blog. I have a feeling I know who you are. If you may not have guessed by reading my blog I have enough to deal with. Anyone wanting to add more stress to my life can please go away... don't comment, don't email and definitely don't call... and for petes sake DONT READ MY BLOG! As I decided last night this blog is for #1. Me, #2. my FRIENDS and FAMILY, and #3. other parents that may be going through a similar situation. You obviously don't fit into any one of those categories. As far as being greedy I personally don't know why I would be considered greedy. As I sit here day after day next to the box my baby lays in fighting for his life I worry about his care, if the doctors have thought of everything possible to help him, when is he going to breath on his own, is he going to continue digesting his food, is he going to pee on his own, or if he is going to poop on his own without another enema, when will I get to leave the hospital with my baby, will I get the nursery done by the time he comes home, will I continue to get breast milk for him or will it sadly stop, when will I get to see a real smile from him without something down his throat, when can I hold him more than once a week, when can I take all the precious baby pictures in the cute poses I have been imagining for months now, when can I feed him vs. having it fed through a tube in his belly, oh how this list could go on but I really don't see where I can find time for you Mrs. Anonymous who I once considered a friend and your rude comments. I would like to know why you posted as anonymous though and not put your name... maybe you should have posted a link to your blog so people reading this blog could go on there and make comments to you because I really don't have time for you.

Ok, so now that I got that out, onto the important stuff... Ethan! This morning I got up super early so that I could get to his morning cares since I had to leave early so I could be at the house since our rocker was being delivered. He was super puffy. I noticed his one eye was puffy last night so I pointed it out and the nurse said sometimes that happens when he lays on his side. Well this morning it was his whole face so they started him on some lasix to help him pee it out. His weight last night was 4lbs 4oz when the night before he was 3lbs 13oz so this showed that he was retaining a lot of fluid and his diapers haven't been as wet lately either. Well then they drew blood for some tests. Well I was having a hard time sitting in the room for it since I was seeing how much blood they were taking from him. Then the lab called and said that the blood they got was clotted so they needed to do another one! Ugh I hate to see his precious little heel being poked so much! They also decided that they were going to give him a dose of a different steroid and also an enema since he hasn't been pooping much lately! Ugh... another rough day for our little guy!

Once he got the enema though he had a nice poop just before I left for the day. Yeah... I got to change a real poopy diaper... not maconium! Ok, so it's not something that I thought I would celebrate but I know as well as anyone else... if you haven't pooped for days it feels pretty darn good when you can so I am guessing our little man is feeling a little better ;) I left the hospital in the afternoon so that I could get home since our rocker was being delivered and someone needed to let them in. At about 5:00 the nurse called to tell us that Ethan had peed and he peed a lot. She said that the puffiness was down in his face and that he filled his diaper (with pee) and the bed! She wanted to give us a call to let us know that since she knew I would be happy to hear it since I was a little worried that his eyes were so swollen. Then we called before we went to bed and the nurse said that he was doing really well and that they were able to turn the vent down. I love to hear that they turn the vent down since it means he is doing good and closer to coming off the vent but the last 2 times he has went off the vent have been tough since he ended up back on it.

While I was home I went through all of Ethan's clothes that we have received and sorted them out by sizes. Of course then I decided I should wash them all.... yeah I should have skipped sorting them first! I loved folding all of his cute little clothes but it made me a little sad... I want our baby home with us ;( I don't want to go to bed missing him, I want him in my arms so I can hold him and squeeze him and kiss him all over! Anytime I say this Mark calls me Elmira (from looney toons!)