Wednesday... a tough day for all of us!

Well last night was the first night we stayed away from the hospital. It was nice to get home to get some things and wash some laundry but it was so hard being away. I fell asleep as soon as we hit the bed and shortly after I woke up because I was having a nightmare and wincing and shaking so Mark was cuddling me telling me that everything is ok. Ugh this is going to be a long journey!

Right away in the morning I called the hospital to check up on Ethan and see how his night went. She said that unfortunately he had a few mishaps. By mishaps she meant that his heartbeat dropped and that she had to shake him to get him to wake up and breath. My a few she meant 11! She wasn't sure what the Dr. was going to recommend this morning but she thought he would have to go back on the c-pap to help him breath. She said that he only had one more dose of medicine for his heart though and then the line going through his umbilical cord would come out.

We planned on doing a little shopping in Great Falls with Andy, Diane and Drew but packing didn't go as fast as usual when I don't move the greatest right now and then Mark had to take care of a few things at work. We did make it to Great Falls for the 4:00 cares. So we spent some time with Ethan but he was still having a rough time and had a mishap while we were there. Andy was also in the room for this one and he turned white... rightfully so. So Diane, Andy, and Drew left to check into their hotel for the night and Mark and I finished up with Ethan. Well Ethan decided to have a few more mishaps while I was pumping in his room. How scary. I was just sitting in the rocker pumping as I watched the monitor show the heartbeat drop and the nurse and Mark run to Ethan and start rubbing his back vigorously and tickling his feet to get him to breath then the heartbeat would go back up and I would sit back. Then again it happened and again I just sat up with my heart stopped, my eyes popping out of my head and holding my breath as I watched Mark and the nurse with Ethan... this happened about 10 times in 20 minutes! This little boy is going to give me a heart attack!

They decided to have a few tests done to see what was going on and made the decision to put him back on the ventilator. This will do the breathing for him. They said that we could stay and watch but I just can't handle that. So Mark stayed to watch as Diane help distract me by shopping at Target for a little bit. Mark said that Ethan did really well. He looks more at rest now. They said that he was just getting too tired by doing so much of the breathing on his own. Diane also pointed out that those many times that he stopped breathing and we jumped to his side took a lot out of us... just think how much energy it took out of that little boy of ours. So we are praying that the ventilator will help him rest and get his strength back to breath on his own.

It was a very rough night as it feels like from the beginning it was a one step FORWARD right after another and we were very impressed and now it feels like he just took 2 steps BACK tonight. We still have not been able to hold him. They were hoping that we would get to today but with everything he had been through today they didn't think that it was a good idea. Mark and I really don't push the issue at all because we don't want to do anything that will set him back but the nurses really want us to hold him as this may help Ethan too. So possibly this week we will be able to hold our little boy. I have to say that a few times this week I thought "ok we can handle this... sure it's tough but we can do it." But after tonight man oh man this IS TOUGH! Our little boy is giving us grey hairs and heart attacks and he is just under a week old!

Diane did a few small video recordings of us doing some of his cares so I hope to post them on here soon.

Please continue to pray for the health and strength of Ethan and for lots of strength for Mark and I.

Lots of love,

Mark, Leah & Ethan